Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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