Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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