He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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