you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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