when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
