How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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