so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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