please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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