I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
