I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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