I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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