My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize