For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is wine microwaveable?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
