Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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