The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
