Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
