hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
