It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
