And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
