how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
