in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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