As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
