It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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