I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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