dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
