fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
being pregnant is like rehab
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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