people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
