So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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