she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
