I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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