The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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