i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
