really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
