I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
