Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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