Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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