I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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