the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize