You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
