I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
