In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize