This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
