I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Vodka?
Forever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
