I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
