I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
