I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
