the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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