Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
