And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Shame - the story of my life.
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