i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're a waste of cheezeits
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
