That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Randomize
