Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize