Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
