hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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