Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
