Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My life is pants optional.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize