we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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