Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
please don't ironically join a cult
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