So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
