Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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