Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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