I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
