It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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