he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
