he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
