How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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