I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
