Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i came on her dog
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
