Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
