both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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