Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
