M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
