can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
