do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
