Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
