Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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