My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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