You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I could fuck to npr.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
