peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
