my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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